I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
