Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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