"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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