I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
