they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
