This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
