Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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