Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
