can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
