im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
