You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
