i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
