I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
