For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
