She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize