Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
