I accidentally had phone sex last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
