woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
