From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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