My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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