hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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