I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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