just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
