can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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