I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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