I think I am morally bankrupt
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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