She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
