I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka?
Forever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
