U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
