Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
