No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
