The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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