I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
