A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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