i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
