Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
