How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
