what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
