They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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