she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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