Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
