can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You made out with two different species that night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All the doctor said was why
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
