her vagine was all disorganized.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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