Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
