Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
