and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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