We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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