your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
