im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
