i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
