just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
