I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
