belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
