So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
