How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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