i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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