i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize