I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
