Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
