and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
