careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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