Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
