so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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