i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
