So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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