If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
