I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm going to jail i love you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
