I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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