Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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