He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
