Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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