Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
