apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
